Love is an interesting thing. Sometimes it feels incredible, and sometimes it is the most painful thing one can experience. Sometimes people fall in love extremely quickly, and other times love develops over months or even years. The only thing I've experienced as a constant with love, is that it is unpredictable.
Take for example, my dearest husband. He and I are fourteen years apart. He is extremely practical while I'm obscenely abstract. He is incredibly organized, where I'm naturally a bit cluttered. He makes plans and I make emotional decisions. If anything, one would probably look at our relationship and judge that a complete lack of normal compatibility logically dooms us to a bitter end. But what I find interesting about this love, is that it makes me want to compromise. It makes me desire to be judicious in my decisions. It makes me desire to continue evolving into the man I didn't know I want to be, but do so desperately now. Conversely, I hope and believe that the love he has for me keeps him a little more spontaneous than he would have otherwise been. I hope that when he looks into my eyes he feels like making some stupid decision that we'll both end up paying for in the future, but it doesn't matter, because we're doing it together. I hope that I am able to make him feel appreciated, needed, respected, and utterly desireable in every way imaginable, because he is.
At the same time, the reality of our love is that sometimes I'm an asshole. I'm often self-obsorbed and forget that my decisions are decisions for a family now. I constantly fall short of the requirements, and leave him in the dust to hope that I love him as he loves me. Of this I am often guilty. But I'm also guilty of being in desperate, unfaltering, unequivocable, unrelenting ridiculous love with the greatest, kindest, most beautiful man on the face of the planet. And I am flabbergasted that he has put up with me through the darkest of the dark. I am in awe that I have found a lifelong soulmate that is willing to struggle with me through the valleys to experience the mountaintops. I am the most lucky man alive.
Lying here with you Listening to the rain Smiling just to see the smile upon your face These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive These are the moments I'll remember all my life I found all I've waited for And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes Seeing all I need Everything you are is everything to me These are the moments I know heaven must exist These are the moments I know all I need is this I have all I've waited for And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together I could not ask for more than this time with you Every prayer has been answered Every dream I have's come true And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive These are the moments I'll remember all my life I've got all I've waited for And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than the love you give me because it's all I've waited for And I could not ask for more I could not ask for more -Edwin McCain
On Monday, my next stroll down the seemingly eternal path toward a degree begins with Logic and Business Ethics classes. Goddammit. I hate school with such a venomous passion, and yet, I hate the concept of repaying student loans even more. Alas, back to school for the sheer purpose of further deferment. Pleh.
Oh yeah, and as I'm telling Skipper about all this, can you guess what fantastic words of encouragment he had for me?
Okay, so for any of you who have heard snippets of the music I've been writing/recording lately, you're about to get a shocker (if you care at all, that is...).
I've been toying around with this idea for some time, and it seems this is the only way I can write 'happy' songs....
I'm thinking about doing a country record. There. I said it. Eek. Tim's gonna kill me. He hates country. Eek.
Anywho, here's a stripped down version of the choruses of the first two songs I've started a demo of. Lemme know what you think (DEMO MEANS ROUGH VOCALS! BE NICE!)...
Had my "surgery" this morning...thanks to a very skilled nurse and a needle full of lidocaine, I felt very little more than the odd sensation of having internal flesh tugged upon. I'm supposed to keep it covered for at least three days, so no idea what my scar is going to look like, hehe...
I'll have a full update later, but frustratingly, after spending four hours waiting on the dermatologist on Tuesday, he rescheduled my procedure for next Monday. Pleh.... (Thanks for your concern, Stick darling :-)
So, I've got an appointment this afternoon to have a small cyst removed from my side...Its a VERY minor procedure from which I'll be able to drive myself home. In fact, its so simple, that my primary care physician told me if I was her kid, she'd slice it open and squeeze it out right there on the spot.
Yeah, glad I'm not her kid.
Anywho, I'm off to get a new (tiny) scar. Hopefully it will JUST hurt enough that the Hubby will feel obligated to wait on me hand and foot for a minute or two, hehe...
It's not even officially summer, and I certainly don't have the blues, but according to Skipper, Spider has noted that several bloggers have the summertime blues. To cure the early summer blues, he's offered up a meme to break the blahs.
Here's how it works: Answer all of the original 25 questions (10 from Spider, 5 from Brad , 5 from Skipper and 5 from me) that I have posted here, and then add five of your own.
Best summer: While I've had many great summers, I'd have to say Summer '05 takes the cake. It was the first full summer where I was completely out to my family and closest friends. It was also our first full summer with The Gaggle. And it was the summer we moved into our new house and got our precious little puggy. Aside from the fact that I remember drinking far too much alchohol (and earning a reputation as the most skilled vommiter in the Gaggle), Summer '05 was definitely a blast.
Best car I've ever owned: 2004 Saturn Ion
Best cruising song: Right now, "Just Stop" by Disturbed (what can I say, once a metalhead...)
Favorite meal: Chicken Parmesan Alfredo
Favorite season: Summer
Proudest accomplishment: Playing a really loud guitar in front of 15,000 people
Best Christmas gift: Definitely my first car...even if it was a 1994 Dodge Shadow
Most embarrassing moment: I'm afraid I don't get embarrassed...I just chalk it up to experience...
Best slow dance song: "Back at One" by Brian McKnight
Best night: June 17th, 2002
These are the five that Brad added: Favorite pet: Well Honey, of course...Though I prefer to call her a daughter....
Favorite crush: Well, since my Hubby constitutes far more than a crush I won't count him... Probably my cousin's best friend Greg. So freakin' hot...so unattainably straight...but woof.
Best vacation: The Bahamas, Memorial Weekend 2004
Best relationship: Definitely my Hubby (although it also qualifies for most dramatic, lol)
Favorite dessert: Any kind of cheesecake
Skipper's questions Favorite smell that reminds you of summer : Rum
Favorite song that reminds you of your first love: "Truly, Madly, Deeply" by Savage Garden Most memorable summer fling: No comment.
Best way to beat the heat: This time last year, I would have said T-Man's pool...but alas... Now, definitely a trip to Greer's Ferry lake (Heber Springs, Arkansas).
Favorite summer drink: Either Vodka & Pink Lemonade or a nice cool Gewurtztraminer
My questions Favorite excuse for leaving work early: My network is down.
Favorite place to spend a summer evening with friends: I'll have to say any place the Gaggle decides to crash on a late Sunday afternoon.. Favorite movie that brings back good summer memories: Mallrats
Most romantic place you've ever been: The catwalks of an early 1900's opera house at midnight (illegally...eek...).
Most memorable kiss: That first one with the Hubby, when we were both totally closeted and couldn't believe what we were doing...
